The Podcast Pedant

Hey look, kids! I made a file with reverb and cheesy sound effects!

2006 Podcast Awards Promo

If you want an uncompressed version for your podcast, you can find the AIFF file here.

Listen to it. If you agree with me, then play it in your podcast.

The reasons in this promo are just part of why Todd Cochrane’s “People’s Choice Podcast Awards” piss me off. My problem isn’t with Todd,¹ it’s with the categories that don’t really represent podcasting and the nomination/voting system that’s absolutely guaranteed to to wear down the patience of every participant. So what if it drives traffic to look at the ads? Are you celebrating advertisers or podcasts?

The concept of a “popular vote” award is inherently flawed. It’s not flawed because of technical issues; it’s flawed because merit is not decided by popularity contests. There’s a reason why everyone goes nuts over the Oscars and not the Golden Globes. There are other awards gearing up now with juried systems which look much better to me — the Podcast Peer Awards for general podcasting and the Parsec Awards for science fiction — and I wish them better luck.

I just hope no one’s getting emotionally invested in this whole awards thing. Podcasting with the intention of winning an award is even sillier than podcasting with the intention of making money.

1. If you’re reading this, Todd, I honestly do think you’re a swell guy who does a lot for podcasting. You have got to get a copyeditor before you ever say anything in public, but that’s not a mortal sin, it’s a venial sin. ↩

In eight easy steps:

1. Have a great idea for a podcast network. To pick a random example:¹ The Sci-Fi Podcast Network. Start with a major name at the head of it, and recruit some early leaders in your category. Make a cute alien mascot. Get a lot of people excited.
2. Once you’ve got a solid base of resources built up, start screwing around with them a little. Message boards popular? Move them to a third-party provider with an inscrutable URL and inferior aesthetics. Wipe the archives. No sense living in the past!
3. Keep experimenting with the stuff that works. Make every change for the worse. Repaint your site in a horrible Day-Glo green and purple that causes physical eyestrain.² Replace the cute alien mascot with…a cow. Defend every decision with “Market testing shows people love this!” Ignore the opinions of members of your network. If people complain too loudly in the forums, delete their posts.
4. Meanwhile, start to erode the brand identity of your network. People are coming to your site to find science fiction podcasts? How limiting! Start two other “networks” on other subject areas. Cross-linking them would be obvious and banal. Instead, make sure the original “Sci-Fi Podcast Network” URL points to a meta-network page, and make people hunt for a smaller link in the text to click through to the list of SF podcasts.
5. Of course, the trouble with that is that there’s still a page somewhere with a list of science fiction podcasts. There are no synergistic cross-brand relational compatibilities to leverage there! So ax that page, and simplify things to much smaller lists on your front page again.
6. Oh, and the name? Gotta go. Make a new name. Something with zazz. Something redundant. Something like… The Podcast Entertainment Network. Or PodcastPEN for short.³
7. Finally, because you’ve probably got a number of pesky science fiction podcasts still hanging around, boot them all and hide their forums, and make them resubmit to your new network under a more restrictive set of guidelines. The new terms of service will require them to promote your non-brand more regularly and consistently, and maintain a show format according to a strict formula that conforms to your “right way” of doing podcasts. Oh, and it will also contain such gems as:

   Each show host should think in terms of a minute of ads per 15 minutes of show. You will keep (to use or sell) one of the 30 second spots and the network will fill the other (with a network show ad or an ad a sponsor has purchased)… PEN offers a generous revenue sharing program (50%) for each audio ad we secure for your show. If you do not wish to participate in our advertising program, please provide your reason on our submissions form. Exceptions will be considered on a case-by-case basis.

8. Voilà! You’ve just driven away everyone who thought it might be fun to be listed in a science fiction podcast directory, but doesn’t want to be told how to podcast or how to advertise.

This might seem mean-spirited. Perhaps it is, although I didn’t start out meaning to be mean. But this really bugs me. A couple of people whom I really liked⁴ had a good, simple, effective idea and implemented it well — and then, over the course of a year, allowed their unfocused business ambition to dissolve a good community into nothingness. It’s a shame. I’m not upset that they wanted to change things. Nor that they wanted to make money. (Although a 50% ad commission is just wrong.) I’m upset because they didn’t realize what they had, and in trying to make it something else they lost something of benefit to everyone.

It’s a shame. And no, I don’t intend to just bitch about it. There are positive steps that can be taken, ways that it could be done right. The obvious response to my complaint here is, “If you think it could be done better, smartass, you try it!” And I think that’s a good answer. But that’s another post.

1. Okay, so it isn’t. You got me. ↩
2. To be fair, they did back off on the colors after some of us raised a rallying cry for listeners to check out the site and send feedback. The green and purple didn’t go away, but it retreated to the edges. ↩
3. The “P” in “PEN” stands for “Podcast.” Again. So it’s really the Podcast Podcast Entertainment Network, or PPEN. Turtles all the way down. ↩
4. And still do like, honestly, although I suspect that after this blog post they’ll never want to speak to me again. ↩